Doug pets his dog
Dog watches Doug
Dog feels the stress
Doug gives dog bone
Dog sniffs his butt
While Doug gets dressed
Dog seems impressed
With Doug's cologne

Doug feeds his fish
Fish don't do shit
Fish don't play fetch
Doug hates fish so
Fish hides in fern
While Doug has fits
Fish don't do shit
Fish got to go

First you're born
Then you walk
Then you boy scout
Then you drive
Then you drink
Then you leave
Then you marry
Then you die

Doug calls to Mom
Mom checks his tie
Mom checks his breath
Doug looks so young
Mom gives Doug cash
While Doug shifts weight
Mom hates first dates
Mom bites her tongue

First a flicker
Then a flame
Then an ember
Then an ash
Take the cash, Doug
Take the cash

She's a lovely girl
She's a lovely girl
Such a lovely girl

Doug greets his dog
Dog smiles at Doug
Dog feels relief
Doug fills dog's dish
Dog settles in
While Doug finds bone
Dog's glad Doug's home
Dog, Mom, Doug, Fish

First an acorn
Then a tree
Then an acorn
Then a tree
Then an acorn
Then a tree
Then an acorn
Then a tr